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Hello and welcome. I'm Stephanie Freeth, and this is the very first episode of my new podcast,
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Courageous Leaders Connected Teams.
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Thank you so much for joining me. I'm thrilled to connect with you and to talk about subjects in leadership development and personal growth, subjects that aren't always talked about publicly. What I really want to do with this podcast is to lift the curtain on what it looks like in coaching and in leadership development, because a lot of these conversations are inherently private, and that can be great, and it serves its purpose, but it leaves some mystery around like, well, what is executive coaching or what is leadership development and how does it actually happen?
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So what I want to do with this podcast is really showcase courageous leaders from all different settings and companies. So I want to be talking to people who are seasoned and emerging leaders in organizations and companies and nonprofits, but also entrepreneurs, business owners, people creating in the world. That's really who I'm going to be talking to and lifting up their stories.
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And there's really two parts to this title Courageous Leaders and Connected Teams. And what I mean by that is that leadership I've learned in my journey and in watching the journeys of so many different leaders. Leadership is not about perfection. It's about courage. It's about authenticity. So many times, leaders are put into situations that
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get them to draw from their strengths, but it also can really challenge them, challenge their worldview, challenge their beliefs, challenge how they show up.
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So I really like to support leaders in that journey to be courageous. And often what I'm doing is directing them back to their own inner knowing. I'm not giving advice. I'm not telling them what to do and asking deep questions that redirect them back to their most authentic and courageous self. That's really what's happening in coaching. And then the second part is connected teams.
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So a lot of times a leader will come to me when they have a new team, and they really want to that team to be more productive. They want that team to feel connected. They want them to be aligned. They want them to be working together. They also or sometimes work into conflict or just different styles of working.
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a lot of times there's different tools for this, but I'm often guiding the leader on how to lower drama in their team. And one of my favorite tools to use is the Enneagram. It's a really powerful and ancient system that we'll be talking about along the way. I also use conscious leadership tools, and we'll be delving into that as well.
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I've been kind of a leadership nerd in many ways. Like, I love strategies, I love frameworks, I've been a strategic planning consultant for a long time. And yet what I've realized along the way in helping leaders is that the inner game runs the outer game. And what that means is our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs inside that often are coming from our lived experience.
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It really dictates how we show up in the external world as leaders, as teammates. And so when leaders don't have awareness of their inner game, they show up unconsciously. So a lot of the tools that I am helping leaders with have to do around decision making, mindset and that from a very deep level, not just from strategies and frameworks.
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And those are great. And yet once you master the inner game, then you unleash the true power of the strategies and frameworks. When you apply that at an organizational level as well.
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So let's talk a little bit more about why I started this podcast.
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I've been so, I was a ballerina,
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back in the day, and I danced all the way through college.
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And I've been known to say that I'm comfortable front of stage and dancing, but I'm also comfortable behind the scenes, behind the curtain, in the background. And so what's fascinating is when you're dancing, you're not speaking, you've rehearsed and you've tried all these different steps, and you've spent months in the rehearsal studio, and then you have your big performance, but you're not speaking.
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And so even though I was a singer in high school as well, I had dis-identified as a singer. I hadn't made different choirs. So it's actually been a journey for me to reclaim my voice as a leadership coach. And so you would think that I'd be comfortable showing up on video. But actually, it's been scary for me.
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I've had moments when I was in trainings and they'd say, go do a live Facebook thing. I'd be like, oh no, like, no, thank you. I don't want to do a video. And I saw that it was hurting my business. I saw that it was, having me not show up as a thought leader, having me not share my experiences.
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And so I took a, an untraditional path. I did a songwriters journey with as an effort to reclaim my voice. And so I'll talk a lot about that as, as we go along. But it really has helped because it was that turning inward. I worked with The Brothers Koren, who are amazing. They do this with people all the time, but turning inward, finding songs and
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and really
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adding on self-expression as part of what I do and how I show up and how I support leaders.
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So
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the main message really is how can leaders lead with courage, foster connected teams, whether they're a business owner, an entrepreneur, or an executive within a company?
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And it's really more than leadership skills. Those are great. I have an MBA. I've gotten those skills. I, you know, there's different trainings that at different points, people need skills. But really it's about that inner work, that personal transformation that makes leadership possible.
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Because a lot of times I'll talk about
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being as a leader and not just doing
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and are you embodying that leadership quality from the inside out? Are you stepping into your highest potential as a leader? And that can look like, again, going in, we're doing the work at first, so that you are carrying your leadership ability and embodiment with you wherever you go.
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It's not a mask you put on. It's not something that you step onto the stage and turn on. It's part of who you are. And one reason I like, doing this work with leaders is that I get to see the full possibility in the human experience. And, so that's where a tool like the Enneagram is really helpful to be able to see why do people do what they do.
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I've been fascinated by that question since I was little. I have been a seeker. I've been a lifelong learner. I'm always learning from other people, and over time, I've also learned to trust my inner knowing that while it can be great to learn frameworks and from experts, each person is an expert. But it takes going within to trust their inner knowing, to connect to that, and to lead from that place.
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And when you combine the knowledge that you get from intellectual pursuits and reading and studying and listening to podcasts, when you combine it with that deep inner knowing and deep inner sense of this is who I am, and this is how I'm here to show up in the world and serve and, influence others and lead by example.
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That's really where the magic happens when it all comes together, and when leaders have the chance to show their best selves, to bring all of their gifts to bear. And so I want to tell you a little bit of a story about how my own leadership journey, I would say that I talked about, you know, being a seeker and being curious.
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And,
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always kind of played by the book. So I was a good student. I was a valedictorian in my high school, and I played by the rules. And I got rewarded for that. And I went to Princeton. I was an English major and studied women's studies as well, and I danced while I was at Princeton.
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But I think sometimes when we're going through an academic path, the path is laid out before us, and there's certain expectations about how to win at that game. And I excelled at that game. And,
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yet, there's more. There's more that,
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as I got beyond academics, there was more to the leadership journey day in and day out.
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And
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you know, I came from Arkansas. I was I lived in Little Rock, Arkansas, and it was a big shift being in an Ivy League setting. And I remember getting my first B on a or B minus on a science test, like, I don't make B's, like, what is this? Like it, it really challenged me to, to dig deeper and to be okay.
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Also in an environment committed to excellence, to learn how to deal with setbacks, to learn how to deal with supposed failure. Although it's not failure. By the way, I believe that the definition of fail is first attempt in learning. That's been something I've had to pick up over the years, because there have been times that,
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that wasn't the case, and it really devastated me.
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it's been really fun to kind of go from
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being an intellect driven student and picking up all those amazing things along the way.
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and that included undergrad and graduate school. And after college, I worked for some nonprofits. I also worked in the tech world, the late 90s, worked for an internet startup, VarsityBooks.com, and then went to get my MBA, which really was unexpected.
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I didn't take a math class all through college. It wasn't my thing.
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I watched my boyfriend at the time now, husband,
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pursue an MBA, and I saw how team oriented it was.
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so I'm like, you know what? Maybe the MBA is for me. Maybe I can really learn how to run a nonprofit.
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That was my goal at the time to be in a purpose-driven organization, and I got that along the way. When I was at Kellogg getting my MBA, I struggled in subjects like accounting and statistics and economics, doing those supply and demand curves. But I excelled in subjects like marketing, strategy, organizational behavior, power in organizations. Those were the kind of things that really lit me up.
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So it was another version of the story around being in a high pressure, but also supportive and growth driven environment and learning from my peers and learning from my professors. And so really, the lesson isn't being great at everything like I got to know enough to know when you know what. And I'm not an expert, that I need to pull in someone to help me with accounting or with, you know, statistics.
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But it's really about knowing your strengths. Playing to those and then filling in with team support. You know, a leader can't hold everything back. And it's good to know where you're strong and know where you're weak and where you need support. And that's what continuous learning is all about. And that's really the stories we're going to tell on this podcast is what does continuous learning look like?
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What is lifelong personal development, leadership growth? What are real stories of real leaders that, are doing that day by day? Because I really want to inspire you again and again, like lift up the curtain to show you what it looks like to grow and to learn.
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So part of the leadership journey is facing challenges and cultivating transformation. And along the way, sometimes we're working hard. We've got, we're goal driven. We want to get stuff done. And sometimes we hit a wall. And I experienced burnout. That was a really big fork in the road. So at the time I was after my MBA, I was working for a great nonprofit called The Henry Ford, doing a lot of great stuff, but commuting back and forth.
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I had two small children at the time, and then I had changed jobs. I was doing the fundraising job at the Ann Arbor Area Community Foundation, and I got really sick.
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I had Mono, so I was not feeling well. And I got tested like, and I'm like, what? Like this? This makes no sense. And then I also learned, as I did more exploration with naturopathy medicine and functional medicine, that I had something called Adrenal Fatigue.
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But what was true was that I had burned myself out. I was working so hard, commuting, and you know, drinking caffeine and having wine at night and on this loop of burnout and my body, it was a real wake up call. My body was like, we're shutting you down. And I had to step away from my Vice-Presidential fundraising job because my body just couldn't handle it.
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And I had to leave a job that I was really excited about and take a break. And that was really,
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hard time. Like, everything stopped
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my schedule that I was used to being stimulated all the time. It came to a screeching halt
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but it's also
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when I learned
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to slow down, when I learned tools like meditation, how to turn within, how to take care of my body.
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And as I was healing, I decided I'm not going to go back
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into a regular company.
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I'm going to start my own thing.
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And so I had
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a lot of experience working with strategic planning in nonprofits, but also with fundraising in terms of helping organizations on the revenue side of things. So I founded my company, Adaptive Alternatives, really to do fundraising, consulting, and organizational change work as well, and including strategic planning.
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And what I didn't know at the time that all this was happening is that I identify with the Enneagram Type three, which is the achiever, competitive achiever, and it was that inner drive. There's a core fear for each of the Enneagram types and for the three, the core fear that's very unconscious is if I'm not working, I'm not valuable.
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And so later I ended up learning about that. But it was, the lesson at the time. A lot of times threes will have some type of health costs crisis. They'll work and work and work and burn themselves out. And they hit this thing and it happened to me earlier than it happens to some other people.
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I mean, it can show up as heart attacks. It can be much more lethal. And so I was recovering and I was doing strategic planning work with organizations, and I was noticing that sometimes organizations like, there wasn't candor. The organization was in a point where the strategic issues couldn't get on the table because people were afraid to speak up or they didn't feel like they had permission.
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And so this is when I got really interested in the inner game work. And I, was at a leadership conference, a women's leadership conference here in Ann Arbor. And, I saw this video of above or below the line. It's called Locating Yourself: A Key to Conscious Leadership. It's a three-minute video, and it describes how there's a line, and when we're below the line, we're in a state of threat fear, and we're tight and we're constricted.
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And when we're above the line, we're in a state of learning, growth, curiosity. And that's where innovation happens. It's where we connect with people. And yet most of the time, humans are below the line. We're hard-wired to go below the line, to be in a state of threat. So I started using this video in strategic planning, and I'm like, look, we can do strategic planning from below the line and from a state of threat.
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Or we can also do strategic planning from above the line and curiosity and wonder and growth. And so this opened the doorway. The video was created by The Conscious Leadership Group. There's a book called the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership written by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp and I started using the content of this book with clients and started kind of practicing that in real time.
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And then I realized that there was a coaching program that Conscious Leadership Group offered. And I jumped into the deep end of the pool, and I did a year long coaching practice where we did a lot of deep inner work in a container that was really challenging, but also compassionate and supportive and really geared towards helping us do our inner work.
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And so there was a big shift from being learning what it's like to be a consultant, where you're having deliverables is you're giving people their fundraising plan or their strategic plan to being a coach. And in coaching, you're asking questions. You're not there, you're holding space. And I never knew what that meant. I always kind of like what is holding space?
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But I've learned what that means and more importantly, what it feels like to become the container and to set the tone in which transformation can happen. Because that's really the beingness of leadership, the being able in my own body to hold the field for transformation as a coach. And on the one hand, I'm not doing anything.
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But actually, actually you are. You're, you have to do enough inner work so that your own nervous system is able to handle other people's dysregulated nervous systems at times, but able to flow with everything that's coming through. So I'm so grateful for that work. It was really a life changing process, and I'll bring some of my colleagues from Conscious Leadership Group, I'll invite them to the podcast in future episodes, because there's a lot to learn from them directly as well.
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But I also learned the Enneagram during the coaching process. I learned that I was in an Enneagram three. I had people pointing out my blind spots. I had people, you know, there was a point where Diana Chapman, looked at me and she's like, you failed. And it was like, really, a shock. And yet she was going after the Enneagram three.
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The whole issue around failure, that's what's hardest for threes and to help disrupt the pattern, to help see that I'm not that pattern. And so she encouraged me around being versus doing. And I'm like what does that even mean? And I've learned how to create space. I've learned how to not let my calendar rule me all the time.
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I've learned how to sit back in, make contact with the unknown, with that being this that's all around and not just be doing, doing, doing, doing, doing all the time. Because that doing plays comes from a place of fear. It comes from a kind of deep, unconscious assumption that if we slow down, that somehow we're unsafe, or that somehow all the world's going to fall apart, instead of just leaning into, I am so taken care of. I don't have to be working all the time.
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The universe is doing what it's going to do, and I can rest. I can not have to orchestrate all the pieces. I can still do my part, but it's been a huge shift in integrating both the conscious leadership principles and practices, but also the Enneagram as well. And it's going back to that word courage. It's not all about having all the answers.
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I remember, there was, a story around the idea of, I don't know. Now when a leader says, I don't know from below the line, from a state of threat, it can be like, I don't know. I don't know the answers. It's not okay. I'm not saying I can't. I can't be vulnerable and say that I don't know.
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And I'm like, I'm a strategic planner. I gotta know, like what? That was coming from a place of fear. It's coming from a place of constriction. But I don't know. Above the line looks like I don't know, like, what are the possibilities? What else can we see? How could this be better? Asking big wonder questions. And it's this.
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It's this place of curiosity. And because when we're below the line with, I don't know, it's like having blinders on, like we can't even see the possibilities, but from above the line, and I don't know, like all these possibilities open up. And so examples like that, I'd love to share with leaders because we can have these automatic threat-based responses to any number of topics from, I don't know, to other common core beliefs.
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But locating ourselves as to whether we're coming from a state of fear below the line, or whether coming from a state of trust above the line is a huge game changer. And it's mindset work. But it also opens the possibility to, to healing, to nervous system regulation, to showing up in our full, authentic selves. And it took me a long time to realize, even though this was said over and over again, that it's not bad to be below the line we judge ourselves as like, oh, I'm below the line when I'm first playing with this.
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It's like I'm bad for being below the line. You're just human. You're just human. And there's a lot to learn from below the line. We'll have other episodes on the drama triangle and finding nuggets of gold from below the line. Not today, but, there's more of that to come. It's just been, I, this whole framework has been a wonderful learning and growth opportunity for me.
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So this next section, I want to talk about overcoming my fear and finding my voice. As I described a little bit earlier, I realized in having my own business that I was staying small. I was not showing up in places. I was afraid to let my voice be heard, and I literally was afraid that I'd be attacked.
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I was afraid that I would put myself out there, and I'd have to deal with trolls. And that was keeping me from even trying. And not even the possibility of like, okay, I'm not going to shoot a video, I'm not going to go apply to be a speaker at this conference. So I realized it was really holding me back.
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And I had done, I've always been interested in a lot of different learning modalities, and sometimes driven by my body, first of all, for having adrenal fatigue and Mono led me down the path to learn about a lot of different things. And I had been having some hip pain with trying different, physical therapy. And that's a longer story.
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But I started learning about sound healing and, through a lot of different teachers. One of those is Eileen McKusick, who, started following her work around sound healing and using tuning forks. And so I followed Eileen to this workshop at Kripalu in the Berkshires, and it was called Sing the Body Electric. And I met, Isaac and Thorald Koren, who were also the co-facilitators of that workshop with Eileen.
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We had three days of sounding, of using different tones, like baby type of tones, like goo goo and ga ga. And I was amazed how good my body felt with voicing these tones. If you think about it, as humans and many of our ancestors from, you know, thousands of years ago have used their voice around campfires, have moved their bodies have sounded.
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And I think in modern, the modern society, we don't always do that. So at the end of that workshop, Isaac Koren said, hey, we do these songwriter's journeys with people and come join us. And I'm like, that sounds interesting. What? Like, what could that be like? And I did a call with them and, and afterwards I was like, I have to do this.
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It doesn't feel logical. It wasn't on my list of goals, but I need to go do this. And, it really was one of the things that attracted me to them was what some of their, the methodologies around daring to suck and as an Enneagram three, that's good practice for me. And so what? And again, I'll invite Isaac and Thorald down for a future episode so I won't go too deep into this, but the what happened with the inner work that we did as part of this journey, one of the techniques they use in daring to duck is to take out your phone, hit go to Voice Memo, and just,
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you know, whatever is going to come out, come out. It could be a melody, it could be lalala, it could be, like whatever's coming through, give it a name, do that as a practice. So there are a couple of months that I was doing that as a practice. I ended up, I had a couple of things come through that ended up being songs.
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One of those is Creative Revolution, which is, one of the first songs that I recorded and released. And, and what I loved about this was the creative process of, and the way that Isaac and Thorald described this is in five stages, and this applies to the creative process in a lot of different industries. But the first stage is the download, being open to what's coming through.
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That could be a phrase that could be a melody. That could be a sound. It could be, you know, a body sensation being open to the download and receptive to that. So sometimes when I was walking my dog, I'd have a little phrase drop in, and I'd pull out my phone, and I would record it and I'd label it and keep going.
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And, that so the downloads, the first stage. The second stage is sculpting. So you take the download and you're kind of like, you know, playing with the words, playing with the melody, playing with the, the how that feels. And the third phase is framing. So it's like, okay, here's a verse here, here's a chorus here.
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And really framing up the song. The fourth phase is making. So you might record it, you might, sing it. And then the last stage is curating or critiquing. So only after you've gotten through that whole phase are you saying like, well, what do we want to do with this? Is it, is it a song? Is it not?
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Was this an exercise? So you suspend any type of judgment until the end and then even then, it's like letting the creative process flow through. And I gotta say, like, I didn't sit down to write a peace song. And yet that's what flowed through me. So there's a song called May Peace Prevail. That I wrote a peace song and I did that together with that as a download.
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And so it was amazing to just kind of, with this intention of reclaiming my voice. It was also being willing to step into the unknown or what I call the void. And learning that all creation and all creativity comes from the void, comes from the unknown, comes from tapping into that possibility. And yet we're always doing and on a schedule like full steam ahead, especially as in an Enneagram three, then you don't have access to that.
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So it's been a beautiful part of my journey. Learning to allow self-expression, learning to be vulnerable, learning to be courageous about that. Because I was really scared. And I gotta say, there's a big difference in going from creating a song in a safe container with people who you really trust to then after it's been recorded, you start releasing it into the world.
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I had, right before I released Creative Revolution, I had a day where I was terrified. I was like, what am I doing? What? Why am I putting this out there? Like, who am I to be putting songs out into the world? I'm going to get attacked. People are going to like, be like, what? What? Why are you doing this?
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I don't get this. And yet after I, I'm like, I'm doing it anyway. I'm going to be courageous. I'm going to work through my fear, I'm going to see it, and I'm going to put it out there and what ended up happening was a lot of people were surprised or they're like, the song inspired me or, you know, good for you.
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And people would be like, good for you for pursuing your passion and your goal. And I'm like, I don't have a goal to release an album like, you know, a few months ago. And here we are. So that unexpected twist of being open to following the nudges of our inner self that could be called, you know, our soul, our deepest desires.
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That's really what I was doing with this songwriter's journey. And, and it was, it's been an amazing experience and it's been fun now too to release seven songs into the world and, and I'm incorporating them into coaching. There's a song called Honor Your Anger. I'm about to do a session around that. What is anger?
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What's the wisdom of anger? How do you set boundaries? So a lot of these songs really ended up being the description or the encapsulation of the inner work that I've done, really in my in my 40s. And so I love sharing them, with people and and so far, I haven't really even dealt with any trolls like maybe people didn't like it and they didn't tell me, but nobody really like, attacked me.
00:32:19:13 - 00:32:50:22
That's the biggest fears that I had keeping me safe in the beginning, supposedly, never really materialized. So having that experience gave me another part of my lived experience to be like, you know, that thought that could have kept me from really exploring my gifts and trying new things. It wasn't true. And I got to, you know, go through that, go through that process.
00:32:50:24 - 00:33:20:04
And so I would say in doing this, in daring to suck, I also take it into my coaching, and I really want to encourage leaders that I'm working with to follow their passions, to connect to their desires, to learn to move through that. And I celebrate the working through the fear. And I see you and I see that I, you know, I've been there, I've worked through the fear.
00:33:20:04 - 00:33:50:10
I've had my own version of it. You're going to have your own version of it. But I love to accompany leaders in their journey. And whether that's being seen and heard, whether it's another challenge or trying to overcome, that's really what I love to do. And being a coach and really walking aside alongside leaders, asking them great questions, getting them to reconnect to their deepest desires and how they want to show up in the world and make an impact.
00:33:50:12 - 00:34:15:01
So that's it for today's episode. It's a quick run-through of a lot of my leadership lessons. What I'm going to be doing in the future. I'll have some solo episodes, but I'll also be inviting people who have been part of my journey and letting them tell their story and having a conversation. I'm also going to be highlighting the stories of the real leaders that I've worked with.
00:34:15:03 - 00:34:40:01
We'll be doing. We're talking about the Enneagram and Conscious Leadership and the impact on them and just their leadership journey so that I can highlight the stories of people that aren't always highlighted. And so that's an exciting part. And I really want to leave you with this, that leadership isn't about perfection. It's about courage.
00:34:40:03 - 00:35:03:10
And that means something different to every person. The leaders are going to be challenged. And yet stepping into courage and pulling from their deepest authenticity is really what it's all about. So I'd love to hear from you. What does courageous leadership mean to you? What does connected teams mean to you? So send me a message. Comment on this episode.
00:35:03:12 - 00:35:33:21
If this conversation resonated with you, please subscribe. Please share this with a friend that might enjoy it and leave a review. Share this podcast with somebody who might need to hear it. I can't wait to stay on this journey with you. Sharing leadership. Stories of courage and connection. And until next time, stay courageous. Stay connected.
